Chapter 1: The Cage of Mirage Marina
I’m going to leave this city one way or another. No woman is meant to be here unless she’s prepared to be a weapon or a comfort and I’m meant to be more, so much more. Every idea that echoes in my mind, every story I want to write gets trapped in my fingertips and behind my teeth.
“You’re up, Dara,” another dancer says, gritting her teeth as she’s lead to the owners room.
Casinos in Mirage Marina are a collection of businesses all operating together and separately like a tango where the partners occasionally switch. I work as a dancer, clinging to the pole by night as I turn my body into temptation itself. Every curl around the pole, every time I dip back and make eye contact with a man who sees every fantasy he’s ever had dance in my dark, almond eyes, is an advertisement.
I collect money, turn over a percentage to the owner, and pretend that this is the most anyone can have: a pretty view and an occasional feel of me dancing in their lap. Still, they want more, they always do. Greed is laced into their biology and the kind of men that come to these places aren’t used to ‘no’s being reinforced.
They stroke my fishnet covered thighs and try to peel my clothing from my body like I’m a selkie they can keep if only they strip me naked. They’d tout my clothes as a claim of ownership, leaving me defenseless. My lingerie and the pole I dance on might not count as armor, but no soldier would say no to cardboard if it meant their skin would be protected.
I mark that as a line to use on my trip tonight. Every detailed plan plays out as I move my body to the beat and offer the promise of sex in every smile. On my next break. I’ll slip out the back. Cassandra usually has a break down around this time of night. Boss won’t notice me slipping to the dock arm and arm with a good client – one of the few male ex-dolls I’ve ever met. He’s made sure I can escape the claws of a possessive client, my boss, and the sharp bite of the city I’ve called home.
He’s arranged a fishing ship that feeds the outside world. I’ll show my use, my willingness to please and fish and do whatever’s necessary and they’ll take me – with a hefty bribe. And someone is waiting on the other side, to give me a fresh identity that will be enough to grant me asylum. I’ll escape. I’ll be out of Danger City.
“God, what I’d do to keep you all night. So pretty, such pale white skin, perfect to mark up,” a man’s voice brings me back to the present.
My throat bobs. Not him. My eyes slowly meet the pale blue I’ve come to define as ‘fear’. Kilian Decklan. He owns half the ports in this town and has connections that stretch further. He likes to add that to the weight of every hard smack of his hand around my throat when I try to shave even thirty seconds off our time together.
Too many times, I’ve nearly lost consciousness. Too many times, I’ve seen that glint in his eyes that makes me believe he won’t let me go at all. Too many times, I’ve crumpled into a little more than a balled and tossed piece of paper at the thought of spending time with him.
Here was supposed to be safe enough. Safe enough that his scarred face, once-broken finger, and knife-like smile couldn’t reach me.
“Maybe tonight is the night to do that,” he says, one hand clamping around my wrist, making it impossible to leave without causing a scene.
As it is, it feels like I’m chewing my heart, my mouth too full, my throat too dry to speak.
He looks me over. “You have that look, Dara,” he sighs. “The look of a girl who knows she’s in trouble and is waiting for the consequences. What have you done that’s going to displease me.”
“I have to go back to the pole,” I answer softly.
He pulls out a bill, the sheer worth of it keeps me in place. Boss would kill me if I turned down this man for this amount of money. I let Kilian slide the bill between my breasts, his hand wandering under the fabric to grab my small breast. His nails dig in just above the swell of my breast like my heart and life rest in his hand.
“Have you decided to marry someone? You know I’ll kill him.”
“Kilian,” I whisper. “I wouldn’t get married. I remember that threat.”
“Promise, Dara. If anyone takes you from me, I’ll kill them in front of you, then leave you in pieces after having my way with you for as long as I want,” he says, then grins, a too dark, too excited smile. “It could take weeks … months … years.”
Chapter 2: Chains of Blue Eyes
My skin might as well be covered in leeches. The tone of his words, so lustful, like he’s flirting ruins my focus. I finish dancing the song on his lap and climb back on stage to collect my money. When a hand brands itself across my ass with the prick of something sharp, I know Kilian is leaving his mark.
He’s already branded me, forcing me to always wear my hair down, but he loves watching me break under his hand, loves making sure I know that I’m at his mercy, as if he’s a god and I am merely a wayward worshipper.
When I hurry backstage, I look at my ass and see an angry red mark, a bit of a puncture and just a dot of blood. He has on his special ring, the one he likes to drag all over me until I beg him to stop, beg him not to hurt me.
It always makes him twice as feral and twice as determined to hear me yell for him, to beg him first to stop, then not to stop. A cold shudder teases my throat, but I drag on shorts, close a jacket over my top, leave my percentage of money to stay in Boss’s good graces, then grab my bag and hurry out back.
Eros stands there, all blond, tanned, muscled, and inviting. I wrap my arms around his neck as I shake. He strokes my back. “Whatever you just left … you never have to go back, Nari.”
I look up at him as I draw back. “You’ve never called me that.”
“You’ve never called me Finn either,” he replies with a half-smirk. “If we had time …”
“I know. You’re right. Are you sure …”
“I bribed the captain to get you in the boat,” Eros promises as he leads me to the docks. “Getting all the way across will be up to you. Earn one of the men’s favor. Pay them the fee and make yourself useful.”
“No one said it would be easy to escape bad luck or fate,” I tease.
He chuckles, but as we continue, I notice his steps slowing. By the time I hear the low rumble of the boat’s engine and see lights on the dock, Eros stops. He glances from the ship to me, then runs his fingers through my silky black hair.
“You should stay with me. This is too big a risk. We can make it look like you left and I’ll hide you away. You can work on any project you desire. You can do-”
“That would only shrink my cage. From the whole city to a room. We both know I’m not meant for this city,” I assure, cupping his sharp jaw. “People say I’m too sweet, too gentle, but I’m tired of living in my head. I’m tired of running to my daydreams to live a life I want, a life I like.”
Eros sighs and pulls me close, kissing my temple. “You can swim, right?”
“Yes. I remember all our lessons,” I promise, bathing in his warm, safe scent. “And if anything’s wrong, I’ll swim back.”
“To me,” Eros insists. He slips me something. I stare at it with confusion until he lifts my chin. “If you end up in the water, press this button. I’ll know where you are and I’ll come get you. A row boat can’t go far, but it will go far enough.”
“I’ll follow the lights of casinos,” I promise.
Eros presses his forehead to mine and rubs my hip. “In another world, we’d be best friends, Nari. Roommates maybe. We’d be meddling in each other’s relationships, getting everything we see in sitcoms.”
“Your boyfriend and mine would be friends and we’d complain about normal boring jobs in comfortable apartments, getting to choose who touches us,” I agree.
“I’ll walk you all the way there, make sure they accept you on the ship,” Eros decides.
“But that wasn’t-”
“There’s a bad feeling in the air,” he murmurs.
That’s the only answer I get before he takes my hand and hauls me over to the small fishing vessel. The captain has streaks of gray in his chestnut brown hair and in his beard, but when he looks at me, he hardens from weathered father-like man to cutthroat pirate.
“What’s this trash?” He growls.
“We have a deal, Ryan,” Eros says. “I paid you two grand to get her aboard. No accommodations, just a single spot for her to sit.”
“You didn’t tell me it was a doll,” Captain Ryan sneers.
“I have contacts in! No one can tell what I am and outside of danger city-”
“My men will know. You’ll start fights, distract. No,” Ryan sneers. “And I’m keeping the money for the insult.”
“I will stay behind the wheel with you constantly,” I say.
The captain freezes. I swallow. “I’ll do whatever you want! Pay you another thousand! You don’t even have to dock on the other side. Just make sure it’s swimmable and I’ll handle it.”
“And a favor,” Eros says. “I’ll give a favor. You know my wife loves to have plenty of dinner parties and she loves showing off fish. Buys pounds of it every week and trusts me to do the buying.”
Captain Ryan rubs his scraggly beard and nods. “Fine. She gets aboard. Go right to the helm.”
I hug Eros again, squeeze his hand, and step onto the ship. The creaking wood, the scent of old fish and salt, and the chill of the breeze off the water all promise freedom. It won’t be easy. I’ll have to struggle at first to make ends meet, but I’ll be able to define my own future instead of leaving it in the hands of men who would gut me as quickly as they would hire me.
I touch the wheel of the ship and bite back my smile. It’s too early for that. I’ve read too many books, and played this out in my mind too many times. I’ve memorized the warning signs, focused on swimming every day – with clients or with Eros. I’ve learned that celebrating too early means opening myself up for agony.
Not this time.
This time, I’m strangling whatever plans fate had for me and designing my own.
I hear Eros continue to talk with the Captain until they shake hands. Eros’s eyes go to me and I wave. I mouth his real name and ‘thank you’. He touches his chest. He and I have used each other, built each other up, and settled into a true friendship. I hide his liaisons with men and he keeps me safe when he can and we enjoy every moment together.
I won’t forget him. I’ll make sure everyone knows his name and his integrity despite a city meant to strip a person of their flesh, their soul, their morals, and their character. He’s a hero.
Chapter 3: Fear Incarnate
The captain joins me and points to the floor. “Sit and stay. No talking. Not a word.”
I incline my head and sit down, wrapping my arms around my legs. His eyes dart to the fishnets that still cover my soft legs and he takes a breath. “You look young. Your parents will miss you.”
Slowly, I shake my head. My father was a man in the kind of business that doesn’t allow anyone to grow old. He betrayed one person and got himself and my older brother killed. My mother became a doll unwillingly to provide for me. Life growing up in a brothel wasn’t as terrible when the girls kept me from seeing the way men leered at me until I was fifteen.
My mother knew I was safe among a group of pseudo-aunts and turned her attention to murdering every memory of our family with whatever drug she could get. She didn’t recognize me the last time I saw her. She barely recognizes herself.
I won’t be her. I won’t be my father. I’ll carry my brother’s smile in my dreams until I learn to draw and give it life again. The captain orders the anchor to be pulled up and we leave the dock. I’m tempted to sit up to watch it fade, to see if Eros is still there, but I stay put.
“You’re a restless one. Not very trusting,” the captain says. “Odd for a doll.”
I start to open my mouth to argue, but shut it.
“I’ve seen a doll before. When I was a younger man, I brought one to the other side. They took one look at her eyes and she was dragged away. It wasn’t mercy. She didn’t find safety. You won’t either, even with contacts,” he says darkly.
I swallow.
His eyes darken. “She deserved it more than anyone and she didn’t get it. Why should you?”
I hold up my locket, hoping he can see my once happy family, even if the picture has been stained by blood. He snorts. “Yeah, yeah. Every doll has a story, but every doll has something to run from too, don’t you?”
My face pales and my lips part.
He nods and starts to turn the wheel. “All you had to do was say no, doll. If you would have said you weren’t going to come aboard, if you would have dropped it, maybe you’d be safe.”
I almost let a ‘no’ slip from between my lips, but it has to be wrong. This is just a test. I start to unbutton my jacket. I’ll offer him whatever it takes. I look up at him even as my long, straight black hair slides over my face.
The Captain looks at me and shakes his head. “Nothing you could give would outweigh what he’s paid. All of us captains know what to do with you, Dara. It’s nothing personal. It wouldn’t matter if you were a man. It wouldn’t matter if you looked just like my sister. I can’t save you anymore than I could save her from the shore.”
A tear slides over my face. “Please.”
“Kilian warned you and he warned us. I have a family to feed. If he denies me business, my daughter will end up just like you – under his control. With what he’ll pay me for you, I can be sure she’s taken care of.”
“I’m a daughter too,” I say, my voice breaking. “Eros-”
“Is a good man who made sure you got on the ship. I’ll pay him back and keep his name a secret,” Captain Ryan says.
The boat stops moving. He turns to me and grabs my arm. I shake my head. “No. No. I can’t go over. I can’t go back, please! He’ll kill me. He’ll do worse than kill me. Please!”
Captain Ryan looks at me. He’s not a huge man, I know that. Eros has him beat in size and muscle, but he’s still bigger than me. My mother always called me too delicate, like a cherry blossom. It got me clients who would be gentle, caring, even sweet, but now it’s the worst thing to be.
No one would be able to look at River like this man is looking at me. River would have already killed him and taken over the ship. I’ve seen what she’s capable, with words, with action, with the power that clings to her.
“Please, tell him you killed me. Tell him that I fought and you didn’t have a choice, tell him-”
“I’m going to tell him that I threw you overboard because I am,” Captain Ryan says, jerking me towards him by my wrist. He notes my closed fist and sneers, but his voice doesn’t match his face. “He has cameras to watch almost everything.”
I keep struggling as much as I can as I’m dragged from the covered safety of the captain’s helm. A few of the guys whistle and cat call me, but the captain shushes them and holds me half over the edge.
“The cameras don’t have sound. You’re going over the railing. He watches for you every night on the cameras in all of our ships. I’m sure he’s already in the water or on the dock waiting for you.”
“Please, you know what he’ll do,” I sob. “I’ll fuck you. I’ll fuck all of them. I’ll work for you instead of myself. I’ll-”
“Go over the railing, hold your breath, and press the button Eros gave you. Then go to the dock and hide under it. You know plenty who go there,” he insists.
Then he lets go. I fall back into the water. I sputter as the waves that looked so small from the ship fill my mouth and try to force me further down.
Chapter 4: Into the Depths
Cassandra’s talked about monsters in the water. I hope for mermaids, women who will take pity on a woman abused and used. If Cassandra’s right about becoming one of the creatures, then this could still be an escape. It could still be a way to spit in fate’s face and become the predator instead of the prey.
I press the button again and again and force myself to calm rather than thrash and exhaust myself. I’m not too far from the Marina. I can see the lights and set off in that direction. I swim slowly, not wanting to draw attention which is easier said than done. Every cough that forces water from my chest seems to fill the night and draw all eyes.
Something brushes my foot and I force myself not to jerk away. That’s what prey does and I’m not prey …. at least not for these creatures. Taking a slow breath, I look for a row boat. I see another man on the dock as I approach and hesitate. There’s someone getting in a small boat and another person pacing on the dock.
I’m not sure which to approach. I look at the item in my hand, notice a blinking red light, and decide to tread water where I am. It’s dark. I’m not in direct light. I … I have to wait.
But there’s something heavy in my belly, something that seems to be willing me to sink. I’m tired, overwhelmed, so cold. I force my stiff arms to swim closer to the dock, then closer … and closer, until I can hug one of the beams.
I’ve never swam that far, never been so aware of every muscle in my body. I keep my head down, sure that Eros will come for me. He has to. He promised. He’s never broken a promise.
He’s not a doll in my eyes, never has been and has always been a person. Sure, he married a woman who gave him a comfortable life, but that’s how things work here. He’s never betrayed me, has always been on time, and has never treated me like I’m less than. I have worth. I’m a person and that’s the only requirement.
My tears warm my face as I press my cheek against the water-softened wood. It’s my anchor, my reality. I’ve always held onto something else, someone else to get through this life. First my brother, then my mother, then more mature dolls, then River. Now I’ve clung to Eros.
This time … even if he doesn’t come, I’ll just have to hold onto myself. I have to trust myself and realize that I’m the only thing keeping me from sinking or swimming. Taking a few breaths, I wait and wait, escaping to a beautiful world where I’m choosing to swim. It’s a warm pond with a gorgeous, warm sun in the sky. I’m free, upset that I have to go to my boring office job tomorrow, but my brother is laughing and splashing me, ruining my relaxation until I start laughing and teasing him like we always did.
Chapter 5: A False Light
A light burns through my eyes, setting the image of my brother’s smile on fire. I hold my hand up and see the row boat with the light focused on me.
Finn.
“Finn!” I yell. “Finn, over here!”
The boat creeps closer and closer until I give up the support of the beam. I can do it myself. If Finn asked, I could fly to him. I’d do whatever it takes. I tread water, revitalized by the promise of safety and a shoulder to cry on, someone who understands what this loss means.
But as I put my hand on the boat, ready to haul myself up, I hear a yell from the dock, not the boat. “Dara! No! Over here! Come back!”
“Finn?” I whisper, turning to look at the dock.
The man who was pacing … it was Finn, not Kilian. Now he looks like he’s ready to dive in. I see his eyes widen even with the distance between us, I see the whites of his eyes burn as he reaches out to me just as a hard hand wraps around my bicep and hauls me painfully into the boat.
I turn and try to jump back into the water, filled with monsters, the promise of exhaustion and cold, but I already miss the numbness.
Two arms grab my wrists and haul them behind me, binding my hands before a hand cups my breast. Whatever is hissed against my skin doesn’t matter. I keep struggling. My hoarse voice rings with desperation. “Finn!”
“Dara! Swim! Swim to me,” he yells.
I struggle, determined to try, even with my wrists bound, but nails dig into my belly and my breast until I let out a sharp yell. The lapping of the waves against the boat, the alcohol stench on the breath of the man behind me and another man snorting and wheezing in the boat all heightens.
“I told you that you’d never get away,” Kilian purrs. “And you still tried. Like you’re better than me, like you have something to offer this world beyond your body.”
“Finn,” I whimper. It’s the only word I know.
I can’t look away from him even as the man starts rowing again, dragging us further and further away from the man I want to run to. I hear fate laugh every time the ores dip into the water. Her giggles fill my ears, deafening whatever Kilian is saying.
He doesn’t matter. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize it, but he doesn’t. If it wasn’t him, it would be a different man, maybe a woman, a madam, a pimp, someone from the Core, a monster in the fringes, my own mind collapsing in on itself like my mother.
There’s no escaping Danger City because the city itself breeds beasts in the shape of people to control us, contain us, and keep us here. We’re nothing more than hunting grounds. We’re all just game waiting to be caught and killed so the city itself can eat us and spawn more monsters, more and more, until the city grows and takes more and more of this world, consuming it all.
Kilian and whatever he has planned for me – it’s just a number of possible outcomes. Maybe fate always wanted to lock my stories in my head. She always wanted me to give into some poison or another.
A slap across my face sends me sprawling. I roll slightly as Kilian rolls up his sleeves. “You don’t get to escape me, Dara. Not in that mental way I’ve seen you use and not physically. You are my special little whore and I haven’t used you up or broken you yet. Just wait until I do. You’ll beg me not to stop even when I dig a knife into you. You’ll beg for death.”
Rather than listen, I inch my way to the edge of the boat, and toss myself over, tasting the water, nearly sure I can see Finn swimming for me. But my ankle is grabbed and I’m hauled back, my ribs catching on the boat once before I’m jerked back anyway.
A dull aching follows each breath, but Kilian doesn’t care. He keeps talking as he spanks me, then grips my throat. As my vision dulls, I see Finn swimming for me. Sweet Finn. Beautiful, gleaming, heroic Finn.
I want to tell him not to be so predictable. I want to tell him he reminds me of Icarus – the story Finn himself read to me. I’m the sun and the closer he gets to me, the closer he gets to falling into death itself.
“Finn, go,” I try to wheeze out.
“Who are you running to? Who could possibly be better to you than me? Who pays you more? Huh? If you can’t love me, you don’t love at all! You don’t have a heart!” Kilian screams at me.
But I keep my eyes on the water, smiling softly.
“I’ll carve your heart out myself! I’ll put it in a jar if that’s the only way you’ll give it to me!” Kilian keeps yelling, his voice growing fainter and fainter. “It will be mine. Your body, your life, then your heart! All mine and no one will …..”
My vision goes black just before I’m shoved forward and into my sore side. I let out a sharp yell and everything comes back into focus. I could try to escape. I could scream for help, but I suck in a breath and look at Finn.
“Leave me! Finn! Leave me!” I yell.
The splashing in the distance stops. I put the device I’ve continued holding onto over the edge of the boat and drop it. “Goodbye, Finn.”
“Finn? I’ll gut him. I’ll feed him to the fish and make sure he’s never found. But first, I’ll take pictures for you. You’ll live until I rip him open. Maybe you can be like Cassandra and eat him,” Kilian snarls.
I smile at Kilian. “You can never be worse than fate.”
It earns me a hit hard enough to knock me out.
Chapter 6: A Princess in Chains
When I come to, I feel the weight of chains on my wrist, smell the mustiness of a wet basement, hear an annoying dripping, and don’t bother to open my eyes. My side hurts, my head hurts and right now … for the first time, I understand why my mother slips into drugs.
My daydreams are the same, just less potent. She lives in her head the same way I live in mind and I was stupid to dismiss her choice so easily. I settle into the chill of the stone against every inch of my naked body and rub my cheek against the hard floor.
I’m in a castle tower. Soon enough a horrible prince will come calling for me. He’ll want me to let down my straight black hair, but it’s only to my waist, not long enough for him to reach. I’ll tempt him, keep him close with promises I’ll never follow through on.
My dragon, golden and hulking will devour the prince, then come in through the huge hole in the side to wrap around me and keep me warm.
My dragon will tell me stories of a City so full of danger that the word took hold as the name. A city that eats people. He’ll tell me about an angel that tried to save those who wanted to be save, but like every tragedy it only ends one way.
I thrive as a princess, in my lonely tower until Death starts taking swipes, slowly peeling my skin from my body, but it’s not a knife flawing my skin, not a fist ripping my hair at the root, not my stomach curling in from hunger pains. It’s me in battle, saving my kingdom with a dragon at my side and there’s no real fairytale without a tragic death.
I don’t mind it being my own.